Sex is a Side Dish

Love is the Main Course.

Love is the Main Course

Love is the Main Course

Someone asked a 96-year-old man at what age sex dies. The old man smiled and said, “Who’ll have to ask someone older than me!” This is not a post about old age and sex, because the old man is right, sex dies when we do, but hopefully we can learn to put it in a more balanced perspective.

When puberty sets in, adolescents go crazy when they discover sex, and it seems that intensity never diminishes, it just goes underground. Sex dominates the conversation whether it takes place at the office, in bed or in our head, and most people treat it as if it’s the main course. How much we misunderstand and misdirect a function of our body that is much less important than eating. If we don’t have sex for a few days or even weeks, we won’t die. There are those who have never had sex and live healthy, happy and productive lives.

Let’s grow up about sex. It’s just a bodily function that feels good, so like anything that feels good to us, it can become addictive. Like anything that feels good, and we have too much of it, we also get bored with it. That’s simple human physiology that when we get bored with one form or source of pleasure, we look for more or another. That’s why monogamy is a fairly new fad in our human history. It’s unnatural as an expression of our sexuality. It doesn’t work unless we also have a balance attitude toward sexuality. Physical attraction to one partner will naturally fade. Period. End of argument, simply because humans quickly become familiar with everything and, once familiar they become done with it and look for the next stimulation. Every alcoholic and drug addict knows this well. There is no satiation with substance abuse. It’s always on to the next high, the next stimulus, because that’s the way our body works.

So, let’s grow up about sex. It fades, but love is very different. It grows and grows stronger everyday if it’s real that is. If it’s based on sexual attraction, it will fade as fast as a flower in the fall, because there is no natural relationship between sex and love. One is physical and the other is…..far beyond our physical reality. We are so enmeshed in our physical life that the higher levels of our mind and life are unseen and unexperienced.

As her psychotherapist, I helped Nancy cure herself of terminal cancer by finding within her mind an amazing intelligence, actually our ancient ancestors’ survival intelligence that guided us on a five-year healing adventure that not only cured her illness but healed my life as well. When one has that kind of transcendent experience, which is really a natural one, the physical reality pales but is also much more enjoyable. Balance is established and life becomes effortless.

Anyway, let’s grow up about sex. It’s great fun, and sharing it is one of, if not the greatest of human pleasures. But, when we lose sight of its relative unimportance in our lives, it takes on a dominating power that can destroy, and does. Like all addictions, it is actually used to distract us from our twelve lanes of rush-hour traffic in our heads that’s causing so much fear and stress. Fear is only thought; so, the more thought the more fear. It’s just a simple mathematical formula. We’re over-thinking everything, because we’ve been programmed by science to believe that our thinking brain is our brain, or at least the most important part of it. Albert Einstein said that he never used his thinking brain to discover anything new. It was his creative brain that gave him all of his incredible insights and discoveries. He was a “stereo-brain,” and used both hemispheres in synch. We, on the other hand, do not. We are locked into our thinking brain and trying to solve our problems with the wrong tool for the job.

So sex and love don’t mix. They can blend as we focus on love as the main course, and sex as a side dish. Both can blend together, and maybe the side dish can satisfy for a while, but we will soon tire of it. The truly adult human uses both hemispheres of her brain and knows intuitively that sex will flow from love, because her creative brain will show her that. And, yes, by the way, I’m using the female pronoun purposely because women more often understand the adult relationship between sex and love than men. That is a clearly defined difference between the two sexes, and one that often drives them apart. And, no, men and women are not equal. Because of this clear difference, women are far superior. Men have always known this and, throughout history, have sought to control women. But, we won’t go into that right now. You can read a previous post, if you like, called The Answer to Women’s Confidence Gap, May 1, 2014.

So, let’s grow up about sex. How we are living with it now is adolescent and destructive, leading to everything from rape, addictive pornography, and divorce, etc., etc., etc. Of course, this requires that we grow up and become balanced, integrated human beings, and there is a simple way to do that.

For those interested in evolving their lives to a higher level of consciousness and living better now, Stephen has founded The Institute for Creative Living, both a virtual and physical center for learning how to use our creative survival intelligence to live more safely and prosperously in every way. There is one simple thing that can transform our lives, and that information is free on this site.


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